Play the role but do it good

Who are you but a collection of memories, of teachings and suffering. They shaped you. They gave you strength. And if not for the strength, then they strengthened you in your weaknesses. Only fools pretend that they have no responsibility for what life has given them. Take a look at your scars, were they really inflicted by somebody else or were they self-made? Who is your enemy but yourself?

So you have chosen to play a role. You are either the good guy or the bad guy, you are a sinner or a defender of morality. No matter the role you picked, this made you think you are better than the rest. Why? Because it is what you chose.

And the role will bring you victories, and it will bring you suffering. The moment you decided for one, you decided for both. There is no one without the other. The coin has two sides and you are destined to live through them both. So stop whining. In the end you will be victorious. Crown of Gold or Crown of Thorns, it`s only different in your mind.

What are you a winner of though? ... What is it that you`re winning? ...
Nothing. There is nothing. It`s all in vain.
If there is nothing then again, nothing stops you from playing the role. Do it, but do it the best you can. Have no remorse for there is nobody to count`em. If you want something go get it. It`s yours to take.

Never forget though, there is nothing to win. A role is just a role, like a play in a theater. It gives you nothing but, at most, some crowd ovations. So play the role and do it good. For it is not real. Deep inside you are not the role but the actor. And the actor encompasses everything - Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End.

By playing the role, you meet the actor. But you have to step on the scene first. And to give it all. And one day you will meet the actor. And the play will be complete.

Now please excuse this midnight-passed mindless scribe. He is just playing his part.

A few "thoughts" on Dual Non-Duality

I read words which sound ordinary. I do things which look ordinary. I eat foods which taste ordinary.
And then I wake up and I read words which sound extraordinary! I do things which look extraordinary! I eat foods which taste extraordinary!
It is the same words, the same things and the same taste. The only thing that is different is the "feel".
When you live in ordinary everything seems boring. When you live in extraordinary everything seems divine.
It is the same words, the same things and the same taste. What makes the difference is your awareness, your silence...
So keep reading the same words with this new "feel", do the same things and taste the same foods. And ordinary will become extraordinary.
And you will arrive back home.
The air tastes different up there even if it`s the same air.

Passing moments

Take a short break from whatever it is you are doing; breath in and out, watch the air fill up your lungs and then coming out. Read slowly and try to "feel" the words rather than understanding them...

The quieter you become;
the more you are able to hear.

If you understand, things are just as they are;
if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

You will not be punished for your anger;
you will be punished by your anger.

A wise man makes his own decisions;
an ignorant man follows the public opinion.

Student says 'I am very discouraged. What should I do?'

Master says, 'encourage others.'

A flower falls even though we love it and 

a weed grows even though we do not love it.

Although gold dust is precious, 

when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision.

Even a good thing isn't as good as nothing.

When you get to the top of the mountain, 

keep climbing.

If you gaze for long into the abyss,
the abyss also gazes into you.

To set up what you like against what you dislike -
this is the disease of the mind.

If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on,
he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.

When you are deluded and full of doubt, even a thousand books of scripture are not enough.
When you have realized understanding, even one word is too much.

Every exit is an entry somewhere else.

Ego

During meditation I surprised myself thinking on a few subjects, having contradictory thoughts on peoples and situations for their deeds which were against the way I would have done it. And my thoughts started to ramify into yet another story, or maybe not another but actually the same old story, of a person who thinks himself different then another, who thinks he knows best and who think that the others should look more carefully into his mouth.
And so I started to look more closely into the process, why does the ego does it? Probably many things I write about now have been said before but I don`t remember, and even if they were, the fact that it`s happening again can only mean that I haven`t learned the lesson yet. So i will go on, maybe one day I will get bored of "myself" and finally decide to move on.

The ego is the sum of the thoughts we have. Our thoughts "give birth" to a character, a person, an individual. Some people are smarter, some are dumber. Some people are better then others, even if "better" is relative, and so on.  There`s 8 billion personalities and each and every one think they know best. Even if they pretend to be humble or "inferior" to another, make no mistake, that was still their choice, because of the fact that of course "they know better".
So the ego is the role you play, husband or wife, employee or employer, rich or poor, etc - the story you tell yourself each and every morning and which you now take to be true.

The ego is born from conflict. You can only know who you are by comparing yourself with the others. From this comparison you make up your mind as to who you are and who you are not. If you think about it, you realize you can recreate yourself every moment. You can simply decide to be another person and it will happen. Of course as long as you fully believe you can change into that which you desire. However this is not the topic of this blog. The internet is filled with "get rich receipes" or whatever "fetishes" you might have thinking that it will change your life. I already found out that it doesn`t.
Being another person would just create another sort of conflict, another pain to carry on your shoulders. And so, the answer to the whole thing would be that you have to drop the ego, this personality, this thing you call you or yourself, in order to be free, in order to end the state of conflict.

So, about an hour ago, I was going through this state of conflict, imaginarily arguing with pros and cons as to why the whole situation would have been better if "done my way". The subtle message was, that things had to be a certain way in order for me to be "happy". And things never happen this way because, of course, the other egos think that they also know better then you. How can you ever find peace this way? You can`t. You will go through this perpetual state of conflict, of unhappiness, until the day you die, and maybe even beyond.

So how do we drop the ego?
A few weeks back I was thinking about the same thing. And then I first tried to localize it. I thought that finding its place i can make it back of or something. Unfortunately they didn`t invent a spray that can take care of the problem, yet.

If you alone remained on the earth, nobody to fight with, would you have an ego? You would not have an ego. The other is needed to create it; the other is a must. ego is a relationship, it is not in you.  Remember, the ego is not in you, it is NOT LOCATED within you. It is always located within you and the other - somewhere in between, where fight exists. (Osho)

Yeah, like that sorts out my problem, thanks! -.-
So, I guess it is really not that easy. However, feel free to read what Osho says about it in here.

Then I realised, you simply cant fight fire with fire. You cannot understand the ego. You cannot reason with it. For the simple fact that the ego is a product of the human mind, or maybe they are the same, I don`t know. Using your mind to fight the mind would not be very smart. In order to step outside the ego, you have to step outside the mind. Stop yourself from thinking, but do not force it.
Using any sort of means in order to obtain a result is of the mind, is the same thing that give birth to the ego in the first place. What to do then? Simply be aware of your thoughts, let them roam through your head until they get bored, or until you get bored and drop them out. Cherish the moments of peace in your life, do not run away, do not look up for things to do in order to pass the time, in order to not feel lonely or bored anymore.

Watch your thoughts and the stories they give birth to, until one day when you will realize how impotent the whole process of thinking is, and how it brings no results whatsoever, and then you will be free. And you will stop being a slave of the mind but a true master.

Hope this helps.
I`m off to see what conflictual situations I can give birth to in order to "test" what I learned tonight ;)

What is your illusion?

What is it that gets "under your skin"?

In order to answer that you should first know what the ego is, and how does it (tries to) rule your life. Is it career related, or family, or spiritual, or related to relationships and society? Or all of them? What roles do you enjoy playing?

Because then you will know what is it that "gets under your skin", what triggers your insecurities, your unhappiness.

Pick one subject and think about it. Are you worried of what might happen in case you don`t get what is it that you "think" you need. Do you feel that you need to compete with others in order to get it? Are you constantly thinking if you`re good enough for it, or at anything else for that matter?
Well if the answer is yes, you just found the "field" in which your ego is playing tricks on you, the area in which you are still under the spell of the illusion. And for as long you feed into it, you will never break free.

In conclusion, whichever creates tension in you,  whichever bothers you in one way or another is a clear indication of the direction in which you have issues to solve. And I do mean anything. For example, you walk down the street and you see somebody who does something which you`d regard as inappropriate and that makes your blood to start boiling, well then there you are.

For "my" self, what triggers conflict inside of me (at least lately) was and still is the relationships chapter, which is a clear indication of where is the ego, the "persona", pulling the strings, fighting for it`s own survival. And even though at times I find it difficult to deal with this problem, I do have to be grateful for having a place to start with, in order to clear all the waste left and star anew.

And then one day, to reach back home.

How do we save the world?

 
Could it be that the world doesn`t need saving? Could it be that our idea that somebody/something outside of us needs "saving" is nothing but a reflection of our own insecurities?

Or at least that was my answer when a friend asked me the other day, what should we do in order to save the world. She said that others answered with "God" or "the judgement day" which more likely were meant for a joke than for a real solution.

If you look outside of you and you see something you don`t like couldn`t it be that it`s actually something inside you have a problem with? Life is life, regardless of the way you perceive it. One might look at it disappointed because he is mirroring his past mistakes and failures, his struggle and heartbreak. And of course life will seem like a torment. Another will simply take pleasure in the small things, the green of the spring, the song of the birds, the smell of the ocean, and life will seem like a blessing. Same life, two different approaches.
Of course that the one who sees life from a material perspective will feel the need to "save" something or somebody. But that because inside he feels the need to be saved as well. While the other will realize that life is perfect just the way it is, and it needs no changing.
Desire for changing or for self-perfecting can only be caused by the inner emptiness, one`s insecurities.

The same question can be answered from a different perspective. At the surface we are all different, with qualities and defects that make us unique. However at a deeper level we are all the same. We are made from the same material, we breathe the same air, we have the same spark that keeps things in motion. It`s only our "persona" that is different, our ego. And it`s this persona, this role we socially play, that makes us different, or at least tries to.

When you are living in the whole, when you are one with the ones around you and with the whole world, do you still think that the world needs changing? No, because you realize you are the source, the alpha and omega. You are just as responsible for what is going on outside than as the next one in line. If the world really needs saving, then what else can you do then "save yourself". The world is a mere reflection of your own thoughts and feelings.

When you are living as an individual, when you see yourself as a body & mind different from the others, then your ego starts to tell a story, the story of a world in turmoil, with people who do good things and with people who do bad things, a world that needs a "hero". And who else can be that hero but yourself? ;)

Problem is that as long as you live as a "fraction" there is no way you can be that hero. Regardless of what you do, other people, other "fractions", will consider your actions as good or bad according to "their" perception. Like Sartre used to say, "hell is other people". So your "saving" might appear as exactly the opposite. A clash of individualities will never solve the world problems.

What might save the world? The birth of a new mankind, a man who sees himself not as the drop but as the ocean, a man who doesn`t try to save the world for he knows that he is the world.

Longing

I feel trapped in a body which is too little.

The urge of freedom to tear this meat apart and break free.

Like a beast to run through the ancient forests.

And fill my nostrils with the scents of the spring

A pack of dire wolves roaming the land

In the sacred grove to drink the purest of waters

And then to tear the fur into pieces

Like a raven to grow wings and fly to the sky

To feel the wind growling in my feathers.

To reach to the end of the world.

And there to tear those wings apart and break free once more.

For even them make me feel captive.

I want to dissolve my self in an explosion of light

And for a second to be one

With the ocean of all

For my self I`m not enough anymore.

I shall set me free!

Assume responsibility for one`s actions.

Two nights back after I went to sleep, was laying in bed and my mind started to wander around, like per usual as to what minds do.
And the train of thoughts went towards my relationships. Well, it was actually racing towards why my latest have not been very successful. For example, the last one I had feelings for was a great girl - smart, funny, beautiful, you name it. However she had the habit of keeping me at a distance, which is normal considering how hard is to put your trust into other people nowadays, at least for some who might feel like they have something to loose.
Or it might be that, because she was that smart is why she kept me at a distance ;)
And so, I was laying in bed, couldn`t sleep and started to think, why couldn`t she be more "the way I wanted her to be". Why couldn`t she make me feel more appreciated, more loved, why didn't she act more, why didn't she take more responsibility and why not show some initiative.
And all this time I was letting my thoughts get the best of me. And that is exactly what they did. Until I realized what was happening, I realized my thoughts we`re "getting under my skin", and so I got up and went to do the dishes lol.
And while doing that my intuition bumped me over the head. And a new thought came into my mind, "Andrei, why do you play the role of the guy who runs after something and not get it, instead of playing the role of somebody who gets what he wants".
And this was so simple and so obvious that it made me have one of those "wow" moments. When we let life interfere, it does know best. And usually the "truth" is simple. Its we who like to make life complicated.
It was my ego there in bed who was starting to tell a story about a guy who simply cant have a meaningful relationship. And like somebody said a while back, "if it require thoughts, its not real"...
And that is what opened my mind.
And no I`m not saying that playing a different role is the answer to my problem. Or yours. Or everybody else`s. Playing a role is simply feeding into your ego. What I`m saying is, trust your intuition, trust your presence, and ultimately trust life. Dont put weight on your thoughts for they are not real
You dont like something, you are free to choose differently. Of course it would be so much easier to blame "her", or "him", or "mom" or "dad". However, not assuming responsibility for one`s life it`s the best way to keep running from life itself.